Does the Holy Grail Really Exist?

31 Jul

I suppose we’re all searching for our own list of holy grails in life… especially when it comes to fashion.  Me?  I’ve been on a 40 year quest for the perfect pair of jeans.  I have tried almost every plus sized jean on the market only to come up empty handed.  Oh sure, there have been some that have come close… but nothing has ever checked all the boxes on my list.  My figure can not be squeezed into the typical categories like hour glass, apple or pear.  I’m more of a… block 🙂

If I look for jeans to fit my waist, they are usually bagging off my ass and most likely will be tight on my ‘shapely’ thighs. Luckily I’ve never had to suffer with the gapping waist dilemma… as I don’t have a waist 🙂  The upside of that is I did escape the whole ‘mom’ jean trend as I can not wear jeans that are high waisted… for me it’s like having a tourniquet around my waist, which might work if I stood up 24/7, but, for God’s sakes,  don’t dare try to sit down… Ouch!  I don’t think there’s anything more sexy than a new boyfriend peeling off you jeans for the first time only to find a bevy of angry red lines and indentations ringing your stomach like Saturn.

Some jeans that have come close for me include… Diane Gilman Jeans from HSN, a discontinued style of Denim Lite Jeans from The Avenue. and a 15 year old pair of jeans from Lane Bryant that had a lower rise and no set-in waistband… I still have those jeans even though the inner thighs are practically threadbare.

One sleepless night I was flipping through channels and fooled into thinking I had finally found the holy grail of jeans.  Enter the Pajama Jean.  Could this modern marvel of fashion foolery be the answer?  It took a lot of control not to pick up the phone at 2am to order myself a pair, but I resisted the temptation.  There was something not quite right in the look of the Pajama Jean… yes… you could bend, sit… even sleep in these jeans, but the problem was, they didn’t actually look like jeans… they looked like… well pajamas.  Sighs.. so close and yet so far.  The search continued… endless trying on in stores.  Endless online and catalog orders… the return shipping fees were driving me to the poor house.

Through it all, I couldn’t let go of the idea of the pajama jeans.  It was a good idea… a knit jean. With shaking fingers I tried a new google search… knit jeans… I don’t know why I hadn’t tried that before.  I pressed enter and waited with baited breath.   There it was… LL Bean Knit Jeans.  Bingo!  They looked like real jeans and had a 4.5 star rating (193 reviews… even Oprah said she liked them!).  Since I have an LL Bean credit card, I get free shipping and returns, so I had nothing to lose, plus I had a bunch of reward coupons ready to expire… the denim gods were speaking to me.

It took me a few orders to find the right size (definitely order down a size).  I opted for the bootcut style as they sit lower on the waist and are cut a bit slimmer through the hips and thigh.  They are a little pricey, but when I slipped them on and took them for a test run, I realized you really can’t put a price on comfort and fit.  They hugged my curves without making me look… lumpy.  I could sit, bend, squat without gasping… and it appears the rings of Saturn have been banished to another galaxy.  Because it’s been so darn hot here, I haven’t challenged them to a full day of wear yet… but I am ever hopeful the holy grail is within my grasp.

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2 Responses to “Does the Holy Grail Really Exist?”

  1. no shrinking viola August 1, 2012 at 10:07 pm #

    Loved your post. Good luck in your search! I don’t want to even think about jeans again until mid-September when it will hopefully be cool enough to wear them without suffering heat stroke! Then my own search will continue.

    • pirsquare314 August 2, 2012 at 1:16 am #

      Thank you for your lovely compliment! I totally understand about waiting until the Fall gets here… I’ll be anxious to hear if you find anything good!

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