Tag Archives: break ups

A Week Gone by in a Flash…

20 Aug

So I woke up last Sunday to a lovely email from a gentleman from Match.  I had checked out his profile the night before and was thinking about emailing, but he beat me to it.  I emailed back and that was the start of a whirlwind week.

We spoke on the phone on Sunday afternoon… He seemed like a very nice guy.  We had a great conversation.  He was intelligent, witty, sweet… I learned he had a stable career and was a very involved dad.  He had a lot going for him  We agreed to meet the next evening for dinner.  This was the quickest I have ever moved through ‘the process’.  I guess I’m getting to the point now, that I don’t want to waste hours on emails and phone calls, only to meet and realize there’s no chemistry at all.

Monday comes and we meet at a casual restaurant for dinner.  He is extremely warm in person… a big hug… touches my hand over appetizers… says all the right things.  When we leave the restaurant and decide to go for coffee, he leans in for a kiss.  A very pleasant kiss.  He says he’s been wanting to do that since I walked into the restaurant. Another big hug and we’re off for coffee.  He asks me out on two more dates… Friday and Saturday night.  Okay, I think to myself,  this guy is really interested!  He made me feel… good… attractive, desirable… sexy.  It was ‘almost’ too good to be true.

I wasn’t even home yet when I got his first text… ‘I miss you already’.  Sighs… writing this now, I realize just how ridiculous this all sounds.  I totally ignored the ‘too much, too soon’ warning bells going off in my head.  I always wanted to be ‘swept off my feet’.  I saw the broom coming and leaped right in its path.  The week proceeded at a breakneck speed… more texts, phone calls, and requests for dinner dates.  I had plans most of the week so had to politely decline, but changed my plans on Thursday so I could go out to dinner with Mr. Flash.

Another great date. Mr. Flash was charming, generous and totally attentive.  The chemistry was still there and even kicked up a few notches.  I was really looking forward to the weekend.  Then Friday rolls around… I notice that there’s not as many phone calls or texts.  But hey, I chalk it up to a busy day at work.  We meet and head out to a concert.  It’s at this point I start to sense something is ‘off’.  He seems preoccupied.  He puts the radio on, in what seems like an attempt, to avoid conversation.  There are no compliments tonight.  He’s still a bit touchy feely, but even that seems to be on the decline.  After a kiss goodnight… I get a ‘see you tomorrow’ and Mr. Flash is gone.

The texts are now getting few and far between. No phone calls at all on Saturday.  I wonder if we’re still going out.  I finally text in the afternoon and ask.  I word it in a way to allow him to get out of the date easily.  I was rather surprised that he responded with an ‘of course we’re going out’.  Okay, now I think to myself, I’m misreading him.  I’m being too… too… too something.  I decide to go with an open mind and fully intend to have some fun.

When we meet, there is no hello kiss, no hug.  He barely talks to me… instead opts for talk radio.  Actually, he barely looks at me.  There is very little hand holding.  I try my hardest to keep the conversation going, only to be faced with one word muttered responses.  The game sucks, the conversation sucks… the date… sucks.  I can’t wait to get home.  But I’m starving at this point, so when he suggests we stop for something to eat, I open my mouth and say ‘yes’ before even thinking.  UGH.  Dinner was… painful.  Thankfully we were seated near a bar so I could watch TV, because Mr. Flash spent most of dinner playing with his phone.  Yes… You read that right… playing with his phone over dinner.  By this time, I’m utterly disgusted and want to go home.  At my car, there’s a peck good night and he mumbled something like ‘talk to you tomorrow’.

I cried all the way home.  Not because Mr. Flash turned out to be Mr. Flop, but because of my own stupidity.  I’m still wondering how someone can go from 0 to 90, back to 0 in under a week.  Here’s the texts I got today:

Him:  🙂

Me: No response

Him: Hey

Me: 🙂

Him: What are you doing?

Me: Laundry

Him: Awwww

That’s it folks.  That’s all she wrote.  Mr. Flash has now officially become… Mr. Flash in the Pan.  And me?  On one hand, I’m feeling pretty embarrassed, confused and stupid.  On the other hand, I’m proud of myself.  I put myself out there… I allowed myself to be vulnerable… I’m not sure if I was taken advantage of, or, just met someone that doesn’t really know what he wants.   In any case, I’m going to pick myself up, dust myself off and hope that the next broom that comes by is being pushed by someone with a bit more integrity.

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Bye… Bye… Mr. Maybe…

3 Aug

A few years ago, I went to Great Adventure with my daughter, and my boyfriend at the time.  We stood for a half hour to go on El Toro… a wickedly scary wooden roller coaster.  I remember my heart was pounding and my palms were sweaty… the adrenaline rush as the attendant locked me in (good lord… it was a tight fit for a full figured gal).  As the roller coaster car made it’s climb up… up… up… my stomach began to knot and I wanted to jump off, as if that was better than swooping down the hill.  As we crested the top… my breath caught… life seemed to be suspended for just a moment… no sound… and then… the screaming started.  Eyes closed, clutching my daughter’s arm and screaming, “Never again!  Never again!”.   I was off balance when I got off that ride… and not sure I would ever get back on.  My dating life pretty much runs the same way… ups and downs… spinning in circles only to end up exactly where I started.

Case in point–Mr. Maybe… we’ve been going in circles for weeks now and yet have not made it out on a second date.  That book/movie keeps coming to mind… ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’… let’s face it, if he really was into me, I’d be getting more than texts with empty promises of  ‘let’s go out’.  I’m done with this roller coaster.  So, since we don’t talk on the phone, tonight I texted my good wishes and good bye.  I feel a little disappointed, but I know it wasn’t going to go anywhere.  So goodbye Mr. Maybe… I wish you all the best in your quest for ‘love’.

Enter Mr.Charming. Let me just say it.  I like Mr. Charming.  Mr. Charming writes beautiful emails, texts and calls me on the phone.  While I’m not a big phone person myself, I really look forward to him calling.  We have plans to go out tomorrow night.  While I’m excited about meeting him in person, I am also scared.  I’d hate to lose the friendship we’ve only just begun.  It’s really not often that you find someone that has the same interests, same taste in music, same values, makes you laugh… makes you think… and makes you blush.  What if the ‘magic’ just isn’t there in person? Arggg… I feel like I’m waiting in line for another roller coaster ride.  Tomorrow I’ll be slowly climbing the mountain and at 7pm tomorrow evening… I’ll be roaring down the hill into the unknown…

Nothing Sacred…

29 Jul

The title comes from a Jonatha Brooke song that I’ve been listening to… over and over… ad nauseum.  Typical breakup song… typical story… typical catalyst to start blogging? :)   So the focus of this blog will be an adventure of sorts.  Yup… you, if you’re brave enough to negotiate the rapids of my stream of consciousness, are welcome to join me on a journey of self discovery or what just might end up being a really bad mishmash of bad “Dear Diary” entries.

I actually started on this ‘journey’ six months ago when I made my first foray into the crazy world of eDating… so we have a lot of catching up to do.  It’s the story of a 47 year old, full figured, mild mannered teacher who is searching for love.  Now don’t get me wrong, I am blessed with all sorts of love in my life (thank you God or the powers to be).  I have the love of my daughter (15 years old), the love of my parents, my sisters, nephews, niece, my friends… and my dog (if only the love of a soul mate could be so easily bought with a bully stick).  So what’s prompted me to finally decide to write about my journey?  Well… heartbreak of course.  Through this journey I’ve been so hypervigilant about keeping my heart carefully under wraps… like those clocks under a glass dome… they tick tock safely behind a wall of glass.  Unfortunately, I reached out through the glass and got cut… not so deeply as past hurts, but just enough to make me bleed a little.  Tears were shed even though the gentleman was honest, kind and sincere in his rejection.  Bah!  Let’s face it, rejection sucks no matter how pretty the package.

And so… the search continues.  Yes… I know I’m looking for a needle in a haystack (more realistically… I’m thinking fields of ever waving grain), but, for some reason, I still have hope.  Maybe I’ve read one too many romance novels, or have seen “Under the Tuscan Sun” one too many times, but I believe he’s out there… my soul mate.  Constructed perfectly… just for me.   And then again, maybe I’m wasting a hell of a lot of time searching and should just appreciate what I have and live life independently and settle on getting another dog ;)   Therein lies the conundrum… how much time is too much?  How much effort should one give to finding a soul mate?  If I stop looking will he just cross my path when the timing is right?  I have come to believe the cost of eDating is far greater than the monthly bill.  I have learned you must be VERY thick-skinned and handle rejection well, particularly if you fall short in the area of looks.  Mind you, we’re not talking Quasimodo type unfortunates–I’m average… plump… and carry my share of scars, inside and out.

And so… in the spirit of Julie/Julia… I will blog for 365 days in the hopes of not only finding my soul mate, but finding… me.